BWI Airport Emergency Exercise

No mass casualty incident (MCI) exercises in more than six months! Don't want to get rusty. Fortunately, BWI airport had one on May 7th.

After five of these, you can tell what's good and what's not so good. Good: Their moulage (simulated wound) artists were excellent. They worked without rubber prosthetics, and didn't just smudge on some powder. See the photo gallery for examples.

Not so good: I've never seen an MCI exercise with less of a rush to treat and transport. One firefighter broke into a trot, and another said, "Joe*, it's not that big a deal." Um... really? It will be when the real thing happens, so it might be good to practice that.

[* Not his real name.]

Danger in the Loo

Sometimes the headline says it all:

'Suspicious' Toilet Paper Discovery Forces Plane's Evacuation

Update (5/2): Bin Laden's dead, so we can "drop the kids off at the pool" in safety.

When Animals Attack

Illegal aliens are trying to penetrate our homeland's borders. No, not human, nor extraterrestrial-type aliens, but rather a Noah's Ark-worth of beasties.

Last month, we had the guy trying to smuggle 18 monkeys under his shirt. Now it's 14 Giant African Land Snails. They grow as large as 8 inches long and 4 inches tall. They're illegal because they're an invasive species. (Plus they're just gross.)

Other live animals found in people's luggage include snakes, crocodiles, turtles, frogs, scorpions, spiders, cockroaches, a tiger cub hidden among stuffed animals, and a chihuahua in a carry-on duffel bag, which was sent through the X-ray machine. (At least that's better than sending a baby through the X-ray.)

Hey, Hey, We're the Monkeys

News flash:

"Mexican authorities searching a man with a bulge under his shirt at the airport ... found 18 monkeys hidden beneath his clothes."

Will those terrorists stop at nothing? And why do monkeys hate freedom?

"Look, pilots, we know that times are tough, but when security asks you to remove your belt and shoes, you probably shouldn't laugh and drop your pants, ok."

Well, at least they could see he wasn't smuggling any monkeys.

Size Matters

Breaking news:

"A Transportation Security Administration (TSA) screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner.
...
"Rolando Negrin ... and his co-workers had been training with new 'whole body image' machines -- the controversial kind that provide very revealing images of a traveler -- when Negrin walked through the scanner. 'The X-ray revealed that [Negrin] has a small ***** and co-workers made fun of him on a daily basis," reported cops. ...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0506101tsa1.html

[Click on the picture for a larger, uncensored, NSFW version. (It's not that guy's, just a sample.)]

Friendly Skies

Fallout from the Christmas Day underwear bomber:

NY Times -- A businessman ... said he was shocked to have a female flight attendant barge in on him in the restroom while he was washing his face during a flight from Seoul. "It was kind of weird, to have a lady try to get in," he said. "She said that they had to watch people being in the restroom too long."

Lesson: Don't get constipated on an international flight.

Maybe they should just ban loo visits altogether. Fun facts:

"Many of the ingredients for explosive mixtures, such as potassium nitrate, ammonium nitrate and phosphorus, were originally manufactured from putrefied urine." -- DynamicScience.com.au

"The process of making gunpowder ... Saltpeter was originally extracted by mixing barnyard wastes, the soil under privies, or bat guano." -- AmericanHeritage.com

Another incident:

CNN -- On August 28, the Saudi Arabian deputy minister of interior, Prince Mohammed bin Nayef, survived a bombing attack ... The would-be assassin ... concealed the bomb... in his underwear.

 Actually, it wasn't the underwear, exactly. It's said he got through security because he had it in his rectum.

(The Friendly Skies are about to get a whole lot friendlier.)

Here's what the "Skating on Stilts" blog had to say about that:

How did the terrorist manage to set off the explosives? Well, he was allowed to call Yemen just before the explosion, so it seems likely that his accomplices in that country used a cell phone as a detonator.

Yes, it's true. Al Qaeda is now reduced to making booty calls.

Frozen Monkey Heads

From the NY Daily News:

The Weird and Wacky Stuff Confiscated at New York Customs

Attention, airline passengers: Leave the chain saws, chocolate-covered heroin bars and frozen monkey heads at home.

An Australian traveler made worldwide headlines last month when he tried to smuggle two live pigeons past airport security by concealing them against his legs under a pair of tights.

Customs and Transportation Security Administration officials at New York airports say they have just as many wacky tales to tell.

In recent months, agents have seized everything from a drug-stuffed dead cat to a 7-pound shipment of chocolate-coated heroin bars.