When Animals Attack

Illegal aliens are trying to penetrate our homeland's borders. No, not human, nor extraterrestrial-type aliens, but rather a Noah's Ark-worth of beasties.

Last month, we had the guy trying to smuggle 18 monkeys under his shirt. Now it's 14 Giant African Land Snails. They grow as large as 8 inches long and 4 inches tall. They're illegal because they're an invasive species. (Plus they're just gross.)

Other live animals found in people's luggage include snakes, crocodiles, turtles, frogs, scorpions, spiders, cockroaches, a tiger cub hidden among stuffed animals, and a chihuahua in a carry-on duffel bag, which was sent through the X-ray machine. (At least that's better than sending a baby through the X-ray.)

Size Matters

Breaking news:

"A Transportation Security Administration (TSA) screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner.
...
"Rolando Negrin ... and his co-workers had been training with new 'whole body image' machines -- the controversial kind that provide very revealing images of a traveler -- when Negrin walked through the scanner. 'The X-ray revealed that [Negrin] has a small ***** and co-workers made fun of him on a daily basis," reported cops. ...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0506101tsa1.html

[Click on the picture for a larger, uncensored, NSFW version. (It's not that guy's, just a sample.)]

Frozen Monkey Heads

From the NY Daily News:

The Weird and Wacky Stuff Confiscated at New York Customs

Attention, airline passengers: Leave the chain saws, chocolate-covered heroin bars and frozen monkey heads at home.

An Australian traveler made worldwide headlines last month when he tried to smuggle two live pigeons past airport security by concealing them against his legs under a pair of tights.

Customs and Transportation Security Administration officials at New York airports say they have just as many wacky tales to tell.

In recent months, agents have seized everything from a drug-stuffed dead cat to a 7-pound shipment of chocolate-coated heroin bars.