Alien Hail

I thought the Weekly World News went out of business, but apparently they still exist online. Good thing: as they describe themselves, they are "the world's only reliable news."

ALIENS BALLS FALLING ON U.S.

Large metallic balls dropping across the U.S. (and Africa). NASA and the U.N. confirmed the alien balls are from Planet Zeeba.

The hollow balls with a circumference of between 4 and 10 feet have been found all across the U.S. in the last forty-eight hours, according to authorities with NASA and the United Nations Panel on Extraterrestrials.

With a diameter of 3 to 6 feet, the balls have a rough surface and appear to consist of “two halves welded together.”

Wait. A diameter of 3-6 feet, multiplied by pi, would mean a circumference of 9-19 feet (rounded). I'm beginning to doubt the veracity of their story.

Forensic scientists from the FBI said that the alien balls are made of a “metal alloy unknown to man.” The balls weight between 10 and 20 pounds. Curiously many of the alien balls land softly on earth, though a few of them have made holes about two feet deep. ...

Well, duh. At that size they'd be, at most, 1/6th the density of styrofoam.

There’s no reason for alarm. The balls seem to be designed to avoid striking any humans. They are friendly balls.

The Gootan are hostile and are here to attack humans.  The Zeebans may be coming here to defend us against the Gootan attack.

Why do Gootans hate freedom?
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Update: Turns out there's actually some truth to the story. The Washington Post reports:

"Mysterious" Space Ball Drops on Namibia — Nothing Mysterious About It

...it’s becoming all the more normal to have metal objects falling from space. Tech blog Gizmodo suggests it's likely a metal-lined composite overwrapped pressure vessel — just one of the many objects floating in space.

Yeah, nothing mysterious. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.